Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
