Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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