Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
