Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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