The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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