Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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