we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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