he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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