billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
