I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
