you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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