Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
