somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do vagina's smell?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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