I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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