Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
