I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
