just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
