So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
