I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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