Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
