I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
