I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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