his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
