bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
