We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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