Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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