How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you win again, gameday.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
