she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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