I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
