Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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