just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
