I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
