hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
