No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
40s are totally the cure
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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