he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
