i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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