I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
