can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
