They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
