theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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