Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
