I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
