You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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