there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
