Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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