Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
