I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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