the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
