i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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