Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
