I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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