ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
